Certified Family Law Specialist, State Bar of California, and Board of Legal Specialization

Why You Need To Have Therapy Regularly When You Are Getting Divorced – Read Here!

Many people link divorce attorneys to therapists. In truth, that misconception came from TV shows and movies. Here are a few other myths:

  1. We are all like Arnie Becker from LA Law and we try to sleep with our opposite sex clients;
  2. We are all like Arnie Becker from LA Law and we try to sleep with our support staff and associate attorneys.
  3. We all have fully stocked bars with premium spirits. (Note: I have Arrowhead water and bottles of San Pellegrino sparkling water here!).
  4. We are pseudo psychotherapists.
  5. Your divorce is my fault. That’s like blaming your relative’s death on the undertaker (but I digress).

Sure, you can talk to me about your life and your personal troubles. I will gladly listen from across my desk as you tell me about your cheating spouse and that you want to get back together but he/she won’t. You can tell me all about your sexual escapades (revenge on the spouse who cheated on you with someone 20 years younger- yep that really happens). But I have no professional solutions for those issues. Therapists do. In fact, a good therapist is about a third of the cost hourly than me. But here are more reasons why you should have a regular therapy appointment if you are divorcing:

  1. Divorce is like death. The end of a marriage is the death of a dream. Many people really do take those marriage vows seriously, ’till death do us part. Well, this is a death. It is the death of your marriage. Therapy will help you with the grieving process, even if you were the party who wanted the divorce. You will also discover that there is a good and bountiful life waiting for you after your divorce.
  2. You are a rational and sane human being: I have a saying about people going through a divorce. They are good people at their very worst. That is you and you need to get back on track to be the best person you can be for yourself and your children. You need to stay strong! One of the great misconceptions about therapy is that it is for “crazy people”. Therapy is not for crazy people. Therapy is for people who have to deal with crazy people and crazy situations. Once you participate in therapy, you will become more centered and you will be in a better position to deal with your divorce more effectively.
  3. You will come to grips with your part in this mess: Therapy is for people who want to grow and learn. You will learn that you are not blameless for the situation you find yourself in, but you will learn and not repeat the same mistakes. This is a tough time in your life. We learn the most when we experience the most adversity. You will see yourself and the world differently. You will make better decisions. You will also make a better choice when you are ready to settle down again.

So what are you waiting for? Call your shrink today!!

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Hoffer Family Law Firm

Hoffer Family Law Firm

As you know, we are now living in uncertain times.  Our society has shifted in ways that were completely unexpected 3-6 months ago.   As a result, our priorities and actions need to shift as well.  Remember, we cannot control the wind, but we can always adjust our sails.   The Courts here in Southern California are closed for the foreseeable future.  The Los Angeles County courts are taking filings and are hearing emergency matters.  The Ventura County Courts are hearing emergency matters but are not taking filings at all.   Currently, both court systems are scheduled to re-open in mid-May; however, given the current state of affairs, it is likely that the closures will be extended. 

So, how do we adjust our sails?   We set you up for success for when the Courts re-open, your case will be ready to go. 

1.  Video Consultations:  All you need is a phone, an iPad, or a computer with a webcam and a microphone and we can have a video consultation.    Please click here to schedule. 

2. For Divorce Cases:   For existing cases in Ventura County, we can prepare your disclosures, create a discovery plan and ready your case for when the court opens again.  For Los Angeles County, we can file your Petition and related documents, prepare your disclosures, create a discovery plan and ready your case for when the court opens again. 

My Advice to you! 

3. Be physically and emotionally healthy!   There is a lot of humor circulating about how people are gaining weight and getting drunk during this period.   Don’t give in to that.  This is the time to take stock and improve on those things you always wanted.  It means reading that book you wanted to read.  It means taking that online course you always meant to take.  It means gaining that skill that you didn’t have time for.   It also means not letting your divorce case sit unattended.  There is always work to be done.  Let us handle it for you. Take this period of time to be proactive! 

  Thanks for taking the time to drop by. 

Jeffrey L. Hoffer

Certified Family Law Specialist – located in Agoura Hills, CA.